Monday, May 3, 2010

All I want

A spatula,
A lifetime supply of miniature roses, and biros,
To not be so overwhelmingly concerned with the hopeless fragmentation of my self,
Grey wool, ribbed socks,
To not have to wear knickers marked 18-20,
For it to already be 2015,
A last name that doesn't match my mother's,
A paddington bear style coat that doesn't demand drycleaning bimonthly,
To take all of my attempts at humour back, far back,
For my dog to live with me,
And to have Lady back,
To avoid including myself in eavesdropped conversations,
The safety net of friends found in small country towns within the final stages of adolesence,
For my two best friends to stand beside me, in the same room, within the same state, simultaneously,
A solid and anything but fluent sexuality,
To know before I teach,
A conversation so real that it forces me to feel the need to rip myself out from within my own skin,
To stop obsessing over my weight,
My apple tree,
The photographs that I've burnt,
To stop feeling so out of control,
An extensive collection of quartz,
Long and slender nail bends,
The ability to forget my self,
To love you, really,
The lack of insecurity that facilitates one's "loosening up",
A house of my own with at least two completely separate and segregated rooms,
A fan heater,
A desk lamp,
An umbrella,
To never be forced to explain why I'm buying chocolate-coated tiny teddies again,
To aboslutely never have to feel the redness of humiliation grace my cheeks once more,
To not have kransky fingers,
To be able to knit and crochet properly,
Chicken nuggets,
My dad, before we grew up,
To have the balls to cry on someone's shoulder, namely for reasons other than the lack of financial stability to afford stockings,
But not ingrown,
To stop despising myself,
To know what the word procrustean means,
No more varicose veins,
To have confidence in my pronunciation of the word oeuvre,
To be as passionate and learned as he is,
Agedashi tofu,
And calm between my ears.

1 comment:

  1. what a great post... insightful and humorous, i can relate